Fewer people would have affairs if they knew the risks, stress, and complications that affairs can bring. While an affair might seem like a good idea it's prudent to consider some things before making a decision to be unfaithful.
Major Risks of Having an Affair
- It can put a person in a constant state of stress while they try to hide the affair and deal with the expectations of the person they're having the affair with.
- It can keep one from working on marital problems which may be fixable.
- It can keep a person from working on themselves, setting one up to make the same mistakes in future relationships.
- It can destroy a marriage that one may later realize they wanted after all.
- It can cost a lot of money – money that one has to hide during the affair and money that a divorce can ultimately cost.
- There is the risk of getting caught.
- The relationship with one's children can be permanently changed
- One may end up alone.
- A person may mistake "infatuation" for love and later find out they were totally wrong.
- It complicates life.
- It's difficult to make decisions.
What is Successful Marriage?
A successful marriage includes the following:
- Both individuals must get their most important needs met and these needs cannot interfere with the other partner's most important needs.
- Both partners must consider the needs of the marriage as separate and more important than their own needs. If the needs of the marriage aren't met it can't succeed.
- There needs to be frequent communication about the state of the marriage and how each partner feels in the marriage.
- Resentment must be avoided. Once resentment builds it becomes extremely difficult to repair the relationship.
When any of the above aren't right, the relationship becomes vulnerable to infidelity. Often people want to take what they think is the easy way out by having an affair. After all, it can be exciting, it distracts a person from their troubles with their spouse, the person can get the attention they've been wanting, and they can feel attractive to someone. However, the costs are usually greater than the rewards.
What to Do Instead of Having an Affair
- The marriage comes first. It's the responsibility of the unhappy spouse to share what they are unhappy about. Spouses aren't mind readers and sometimes people aren't direct enough with their complaints to make it clear how serious the matter is to them. It's best to speak up and speak clearly.
- If the two spouses are not making progress talking on their own, it's best to be willing to get professional help. This is not the time to just share with friends as they are not objective enough to advise adequately.
- If one spouse won't go to a therapist, it says something about how important the marriage is to her or him. At this point, the other spouse should seek professional help for themselves. It doesn't mean that the problem in the marriage is totally the blame of the spouse in therapy. Therapy helps a person to sort out the complications of the marriage and to make a decision. It also helps a person to work on themselves so that they can explore the baggage that they brought to the marriage and not take it to the next relationship.
- Once a person has done their best to address the problems they'll either be happier and want to stay married or they will opt out of the marriage.
- If divorced, that's the time for a person to focus on other prospects or, even better, that person can take some time for themselves and then include someone else in their life.
Marriage isn't easy but having an affair won't make things any easier. On the contrary, it can complicate life in ways never expected.
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