How to Communicate Effectively with Husbands

Tips for Women to Talk in Ways that will Get Their Men to Listen

Nov 7, 2008

Women need to understand how men think and behave to get their messages across to their partners more effectively.

Women talk too much and men don’t listen enough. This is an age-old problem that seems to have no real solutions. But all is not lost. Women can get their husbands to really listen. Here are some suggestions that may enhance communication between the sexes.

Let the Man Know It’s Time for a Talk

If there is a pressing matter that needs to be discussed, tell him so. Don’t assume he shares the same need. He needs a clear sign that the wife has something to talk about. In a calm manner, approach him and ask if it’s a good time for a chat. That gives him the idea that the talk is important and he is more likely to give full attention to it.

Set a Positive Tone

Be positive. Avoid starting off the conversation in an aggressive or defensive manner, advises Dr. Marianne J. Legato, author of Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget (USA: Rondale Books, 2005). “Don’t antagonize the other person right off the bat by saying ‘you never do this, you never do that, you always …’ Don’t make him feel he can’t win from the word go,” she says.

Even if the woman feels like the “wronged” party, she should try to phrase the issue positively rather than with criticisms and sarcasms. Turning a complaint into a request can also make a man more willing to listen.

Get to the Point

Women often have difficulty keeping the conversation focused when they are upset. They will start raving about this and that and bringing up past arguments. When the list goes on and on, the man will just shut down and stop listening. A woman who just wants her man to help with the laundry should just ask about the laundry, not about cooking dinner, picking up the kids from school and mowing the lawn!

Give Him Options to Discuss Matters

Men like to fix things. However, when women talk, sometimes they don’t really want anything fixed. They just need someone to listen to them. A woman complaining about her job to her husband may get the “just quit” response from her husband. That doesn’t help because she doesn’t really want to leave her job. She just wants to try to solve her job problems by talking with her husband.

In such an instance, Legato says the woman should specify what her problems are and ask for her husband’s opinions about them and how to fix them. With something to solve, the man is more likely to contribute positively to the conversation.

Keep the Conversation Short

Once a point has been made, stop talking. Women have the tendency to talk too much and for too long. Keep the discussion short and then wait for the other person to respond. And when the other person does talk, listen carefully to the answers and response. It may be hard to listen to comments that hurt, which can occur during an argument, but it’s the only way to work out where the two partners go from there.

Men and women often don’t see the same thing in the same way. Marital discords happen because they don’t communicate effectively. Fortunately, women can make their men take note of them by letting their men know they need to talk; broaching the subject positively and calmly; sticking to the topic of conversation; giving the men options to help solve matters and keeping the talk brief.

The copyright of the article How to Communicate Effectively with Husbands in Marital Communication is owned by Wei Yin Wong. Permission to republish How to Communicate Effectively with Husbands in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.