How to Get Your Husband to Help with Housework
Five Ways to Enlist Your Spouse to Work Around the House
Oct 8, 2008 Elizabeth Richards
Trying to get household chores done is one of the most frustrating things in our busy lives. On top of that, women are still responsible for the majority of the work. While everyone’s opinion varies as to who must do what and each situation is different, there is no denying that while most men are helping more, they still aren’t doing their fair share.
The resentment that builds from one person doing more than his or her share around a house impacts the couple’s relationship, the family relationship and the intimate side of the marriage. In fact, according to Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D, men who pitch in around the house enjoy a better sex life.
Gottman is world-renowned for his work on marital was recently voted as one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century. He and his wife Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, founded the Gottman Institute which helps couples directly and provides training to mental health professionals and other health care providers. Their studies also show that the children of men who do housework do better socially and academically.
So, how to get your hubby started?
Talk About the Need for His Help
Many women approach the subject of husbands helping around the house by letting frustrations build up and then attacking with the “you never do anything” lecture. The best way to handle enlisting your husband’s help is to appeal to his benevolent nature. Wait until you are calm and clear-minded about what you are asking. He really does want to help and take care of you. So asking for what you need in a pleasant way is much more apt to get the results you want. Sounds simplistic but it is true.
Start Slow
Don’t expect your spouse to jump in and do everything right away. By giving him small jobs at first, a little at a time, he will get in to a routine of helping. Change takes awhile and new habits form slowly, usually up to a month. So be patient. Also:
- Write out a chart of jobs with his input.
- Don’t overload at first, even if he wants to do more. It will be easier if he can gradually get into the habit of new responsibilities.
Find Jobs He Enjoys
This seems obvious but we tend to forget it sometimes. If we like doing a job (or perhaps “dislike it less than others”), we’re more likely to get it done sooner. The same is true for our children and our spouses and ourselves. So find out which jobs he wants to do and what you prefer. You might be surprised which jobs he will take on.
Don’t Be a Control Freak
Men don’t come with written instructions and housework doesn’t either. In fact, you might be shocked to learn that your husband was never taught HOW to do laundry or mop a floor. Most likely he won’t know how to do it the way you want, so without being insulting, it is a good idea when laying out the chore list to go over how the two of you would like things to be done. Set up a time frame for the job, too. Expectations vary wildly.
Say Thank You
Everyone likes to be appreciated. Again, you included and yes, being Mom or Wife can be “thankless” sometimes. But a wise wife knows that a husband is more likely to do a job again if he feels valued.
These five simple suggestions can make a big difference in the harmony and stress in our marriages and families. There will be more time for fun when workloads are balanced and everyone feels appreciated.
Having Help With Housework Helps Relationships
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