How to Have a Successful Marriage after Kids
Open Communication is Crucial for New Parents
Sep 10, 2008
Babies are such a contradiction. While they bring their parents boundless joy, they can also wreak havoc to their parents’ relationship with one another. The fact is, being a new parent is never easy. It’s emotionally and physically draining. It’s no surprise that couples may not be talking to and spending time with each other as much as they used to.
New parents can enjoy a loving and successful marriage through open communication.
Spend Time Together
Couples can spend quality time together alone doing things when the opportunity arises – at breakfast, in the car on the way to work (if mum has gone back to work) or while taking the baby for a stroll in the park.
Share Expectations of the Ideal Family
Both partners may have different ideas of what the ideal family should be. After all, they were raised differently. It’s impossible for their combined vision of the ideal family to develop on its own. That’s why couples should share their thoughts. If they can find values and goals that matter to both of them, they’ll be able to have a satisfying long-term relationship with each other.
Tackle Problems One at a Time
Often, both partners may face several problems at the same time - the baby, house chores, money, work, meddling in-laws, etc. It’s normal. Avoid trying to tackle them all at once. Do it one at a time instead.
Ask Questions
No matter how well a couple thinks they understand each other, the fact is they don’t always do. They probably can’t read each other’s mind well enough. What couples should do is to ask questions – lots of them, sometimes several questions on the same subject. This is an effective way of finding out what the other party is thinking.
Listen Generously
Being a good listener mean being able to register what one’s spouse has said accurately. Tune in to what he or she actually feels, needs and wants. Show empathy. One partner should put himself or herself in the other’s shoes. Things often look different from someone else’s point of view.
Turn Complaints into Requests
Complaints have negative impacts. It often makes the other person feel defensive. The trick is to turn a complaint into a request. For example, the husband may be more willing to cook dinner as requested by the wife if she offers to look after the baby. The request sure sounds better than ranting and nagging!
Talk at all Times
Don’t talk only when there are problems to solve, or worse, keep them to yourselves and let resentment take over. It’s good to chat about the good old days, places to visit, how well the baby is growing or even indulge in some juicy gossip with the spouse. Married couples should keep their relationship healthy simply by talking to each other.
Schedule Time for Sex
Yes, physical intimacy is a big deal. Pleas like tiredness and the lack of time are lame excuses to avoid sex with one’s spouse. Couples who don’t make an effort for sex will eventually drift apart. And that sends very negative signals to their children. Plan some time to be alone together. Couples should engage the help of parents, siblings, friends or even babysitters every now and then for some intimate moments alone.
For more ideas, read also Managing Conflicts in a Marriage, How to Communicate Effectively with Husbands and Arguing Positively.
Reference:
Mayo Clinic. Mayo Clinic Complete Book of Pregnancy & Baby’s First Year. New York: William Morrow, 1994.
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