How to Have Emotional Intimacy in Your Marriage
The Best Tips For Developing Marital Intimacy Through Communication
Oct 22, 2009
Having satisfying emotional Intimacy in marriage does not happen automatically. It takes time, courage, and work, but the effort is well worth it because it is an investment in the marriage. Healthy communication means that both spouses are willing to make an appointment to communicate, desiring to understand each other through active listening, and having the courage to share feelings.
Making Time For Marital Intimacy
Loving someone enough to make time for them keeps the "love tank" full, according to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages (Northfield Publishing, 2004), and director of Marriage and Family Life Consultants, Inc. Giving someone undivided attention is near the top of most married couples' lists, he says. But, timing is everything. When a husband or wife has just come home from work and tired from being in rush hour traffic, this is not a good time to start a conversation. Deciding on a mutually agreeable time together, like during a relaxing dinner, is more apt to create a cohesive environment for intimacy. Husbands and wives are better able to stay calm when the time for communication is good for both of them.
Compliments, Eye Contact, Holding Hands Can Enhance Intimacy
Often, it is a good idea, especially when husbands and wives want to discuss a difficult subject, to start with a compliment, then move into the subject. More than anything, husbands want respect and wives want unconditional love. "It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find," reflects Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of, Love & Respect (Thomas Nelson, 2004). The right approach makes husbands and wives more willing to listen to each other. Some intimacy enhancing tips include:
- Use a soft voice. No one wants to get blasted.
- Use good eye contact. It shows genuine care and concern.
- Don't interrupt. Good communication is give and take.
- Listen to the feelings behind the words. Seek to understand.
- Be aware of body language. It helps to understand feelings.
- Hold hands. It can help defuse angry feelings from escalating.
Learning to Be Transparent Fosters Intimacy in Marriage
Most husbands and wives have no problem giving their opinions about something, but when it comes to expressing their feelings about something, this if far more difficult. Most people tend to bury their feelings and often don't realize themselves what they are feeling. To help bring out feelings, which are crucial in communication in order to have intimacy in marriage, Dr. Vickie Foster, a psychologist specializing in marriage and family counseling in Newport Beach, California, offers this suggestion: "Spouses can write down on a piece of paper what they are feeling physically and emotionally, then share these feelings with each other. This is especially helpful where there is conflict."
Intimacy And Communication in Marriage
While obtaining a satisfying intimate marital relationship is not easy, it is the key to communication in marriage and to a happy marriage. Learning to pick a right time and approach is crucial to creating marital intimacy. In addition, making an effort to listen, and share feelings is vital to growing intimacy in the marriage.
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