Loving and Being Loved Through Physical Touch

When Closeness With a Partner Means so Much More

Sep 10, 2009

For those who communicate love to their spouse with physical touch, positive and negative kinds of contact can have a higher meaning.

The Five Love Languages [Northfield Publishing, 1995], a New York Times Bestseller by Dr. Gary Chapman, outlines five ways that people communicate and receive love to and from one another. They are:

When it comes to Physical Touch, Dr. Chapman says that "physical touch is a powerful way to communicate marital love." Among the many dialects of Physical Touch are kissing, embracing, and making love.

For those who speak this love language more fluently than the others, being in close contact with one's spouse is extremely meaningful. Without it, they feel unloved.

Physical Touch Keeps the Love Tank Full

In The Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman discusses a system of deposits and withdrawals that go into an account in relationships called a "love tank." In the case of a person touching his or her spouse, the hugs and kisses exchanged carry great significance in terms of deposits.

When people's love tanks are filled, they can easily afford to allow withdrawals by way of doing things for their spouse, such as helping them with homework, talking about something that might not necessarily be of great interest, or surprising them with a night out to the movies.

Filling a spouse's love tank is vital to a healthy and happy marriage. Many marriages suffer as a result of one or both spouses feeling unfulfilled. Luckily, the only constraints on making deposits are those that a person places upon himself.

Common Confusion About This Love Language

Many men and women come to feel that Physical Touch is their primary love language because they enjoy it so much.

While everyone should enjoy being in physical contact with the one they love, that is not the factor in determining this love language. It has to do with the way(s) in which a person feels loved and expresses love to others. So, if being in physical contact is more of a great recreational activity than a means of confirming security in a marriage, then Physical Touch is not the person's primary love language.

Physical Touch Can Speak Louder Than Words

The best instructor in the art of touching one's spouse is, naturally, his or her spouse. Dr. Chapman notes that although there are sense receptors throughout the entire body, some touches can mean more than others.

This works for both positive and negative touching. While no one would appreciate being struck by his or her spouse out of anger, those who communicate love primarily in this manner would be affected more deeply by the damage. And just as the words "I hate you" can be very harsh, they would be spoken with unspeakable volume if said with a physical blow.

This is also how it works with physical intimacy. People who speak this love language more fluently than the others will feel loved by receiving kisses and hugs, or even holding hands, and they will feel less loved by physical distance, whether it is the separation of a couch cushion or the span of hundreds of miles.

Physical Touch and Extramarital Affairs

Having an unfaithful spouse can be a gut-wrenching experience. It is one that is even worse for people who communicate their love primarily in this manner.

For these people, touching is not a mere expression, but the main source of sharing love with one's partner. So, when their partner decides to be with someone else, they are not seen as seeking satisfaction elsewhere, but sharing an expression of love with someone else in the way that it means most to them.

While having an affair can lead to many unknowns, such as contracting an STD or having a child out of wedlock, it is certain to damage just about any relationship.

Touching, like gift giving, is a very common way to communicate love, even for those who do not feel loved through Physical Touch. It comes in many forms, such as hugging, holding hands, kissing, and sitting close. For those who speak it primarily, the understanding is so much deeper, and the need for it should never be left to grow by their partner.

The copyright of the article Loving and Being Loved Through Physical Touch in Marital Communication is owned by Christopher Pascale. Permission to republish Loving and Being Loved Through Physical Touch in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.