Loving and Being Loved With Acts of Service

Serving One's Spouse is a Very Sincere Form of Communicating Love

Sep 4, 2009

For those who communicate love to their spouse with acts of service, being on the receiving end of such acts can be very satisfying.

The Five Love Languages [Northfield Publishing, 1995], a New York Times Bestseller by Dr. Gary Chapman, outlines five ways that people communicate and receive love to and from one another. They are:

When it comes to Acts of Service, Dr. Chapman says that in committing these acts, people are trying to please their spouse by doing things that they are sure to enjoy. These acts vary from cooking dinner, taking care of the children, vacuuming, or providing a fair income for the family.

For those who speak this love language more fluently than the others, serving one's spouse is extremely meaningful, and very romantic. And just as it is an instinct to express love this way, it is also very endearing to receive love in this manner as well.

Acts of Service Help Keep the Love Tank Full

In The Five Love Languages, Dr. Chapman discusses a system of deposits and withdrawals that go into an account in relationships called a "love tank." In the case of a person serving his or her spouse, the gestures or chores that would be routine for other people carry great significance both in being given and received.

When people's love tanks are filled, they can easily afford to allow withdrawals by way of doing things that their spouse desires, such as complimenting the way they look, sitting close while watching television, or going out of their way to buy a favorite snack of cereal.

Filling a spouse's love tank is very important. Many marriages suffer as a result of one or both spouses feeling unfulfilled; luckily, the only constraints on making deposits are those that a person places upon himself.

The Significance of an Act of Service

People who express love by doing things for their mate are doing them because that's what they feel a person who loves another person should do.

Whether they are helping with school work, taking out the trash, or going to the store for medicine in the middle of the night, they are doing it as an act of love, and they expect that someone who loves them will do the same.

Serving Others is Often Free With the Exception of Effort

For those with spouses that share love in this manner, it can be difficult at first. While people love to express their feelings for their spouse, many would like to do it without washing the dishes.

A cold hard fact about this love language is that it is stated most loudly in sacrifice. Just as the spouse who is fluent in this language sacrifices by replacing light bulbs, waking up to dress the kids, and making dinners to everyone's liking, that same spouse expects gratitude not only by being complimented on his or her efforts, but also by being extended the same luxuries of having things done to his or her liking.

An Important Note About Those Who Love Through Acts of Service

While the common acts of service are simple chores such as sweeping the driveway, setting up a sitter for date night, and making the bed, it should also be recognized that those who love in this manner tend to consider most things as a means of serving one another.

In a sense, the five love languages are subjective to what the people loving each other think of them to be. While making love is Physical Touch, doing so despite one's mood can be seen as an act of service.

And while giving someone the hit book The Truth About Chuck Norris, by Ian Spector, would fall into the gifts category, fans of the faux Chuck Norris facts website may feel as though they have been well served in having received a gift they would not likely purchase for themselves.

Serving others is not a new concept. From the Christian perspective, it is the highest order as Jesus had expressed toward the end of his life when he washed his disciples' feet as noted in John 13:3-17.

Serving one another is a fine way to express love. It comes in many forms that are simple and thoughtful, and when it comes to those who are loved, the sacrifice is no sacrifice at all when compared to what is gotten in return.

The copyright of the article Loving and Being Loved With Acts of Service in Marital Communication is owned by Christopher Pascale. Permission to republish Loving and Being Loved With Acts of Service in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.