Marriage Satisfaction Drops after First Baby
Research Shows Key Factors Helps New Parents' Relationship
Mar 17, 2009
Having a baby does change everything, including the quality of a couple’s relationship. Research shows that marital satisfaction drops during the initial transition to parenthood (Cowan and Cowan 1988; Tomlinson 1996). A few key factors however, make some new parents more resistant to the decline than others.
Marital Satisfaction after Baby
In 1975, family life researchers Philip and Carolyn Cowan, authors of When Partners Become Parents: The Big Life Change for Couples [Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1999] conducted two long term studies as part of their groundbreaking Becoming a Family Project. One study spanned three years, the other ten.
The Cowans followed 16 couples across one pilot study and 96 in the other, most were married. 72 couples were expecting their first child and 24 were non-parents. 15 of the non-parent couples eventually had children, which allowed the researchers to “distinguish between changes that occur in couple relationships over time and those that are apparently attributable to having a baby.”
The Cowans found that on the average, couples experienced a drop in their marital satisfaction right after their first baby is born. Some couples however, experience a rebound effect as they adjusted to their new family roles.
3 Key Factors Impact Marriage after Baby
As a whole, family life research suggests three key factors impact a couple’s satisfaction after they become parents:
- Pre-baby expectations. New parents were more likely to feel the transition was difficult if they had inaccurate (unrealistic) pre-baby expectations. Women were also less satisfied if their spouse didn’t help with childcare and housekeeping as much as they expected. (Wylie 1979) (Kach and McGhee 1982) (Belsky, Lang, and Rovine 1985) (Ruble et al.1988) (Pancer et al.).
- Changes in communication. The Cowans found the quantity and quality (more arguments) of communication changed once the baby arrived.
- Pre-baby marital strain. The most significant factor researchers found to impact marital dissatisfaction after couples became parents was the quality of their relationship before the baby arrived (Cowan and Cowan 1992). Couples who had less tension, better problem solving and conflict management skills had higher satisfaction levels once the baby arrived, than those who did not. (Cox et al. 1999).
Quality of Family Relationships Affects Marriage
The Cowans reviewed a broad spectrum of family life research regarding the impact of becoming a parent on a couple's relationship and how the quality of their relationship affected the children. The Cowan's conceptual analysis revealed the following factors contribute to parent's marriage satisfaction:
- The inner life of both parents and the first child, with special emphasis on each one's sense of self.
- The quality of the relationship between the husband and wife, with special emphasis on their family roles and patterns of communication.
- The quality of the relationships among the grandparents, parents, and children.
- The relationship between the nuclear family members and key individuals or institutions outside the family (work, friends, child care).
- The quality of the relationship between each parent and their first child.
Parenting Intervention Program Helps Couples and Children
The Cowans found that the quality of a couple’s relationship, pre and post baby, not only affected marital satisfaction, it impacted the development of their children and their children’s ability to cope with the transition to elementary school. In response to these research findings, the Cowans created an intervention program in Seattle called The Becoming Parents Program.
Couples expecting a baby attended a 6 month-long weekly group session run by trained professionals, and remained in the program until three months after their first child was born. Couples who attended the program were more likely to maintain marriage satisfaction over 5 years than those who did not attend the program.
In addition, the Cowans created the Schoolchildren and Their Families Project, a 4-month-long weekly group program where couples participated the year before their first child entered elementary school. As a result, couples had less marital conflict, were more effective parents, and reduced their children's behavior problems in kindergarten. These effects were maintained over ten years and facilitated the children's transition to high school.
Although the first year of parenting is unsettling for every couple, the quality of their relationship before and after the baby is born is critical to maintaining a happy marriage and to helping children ease smoothly into their school transition.
Additional Resources:
Belsky, J. "Exploring Individual Differences in Marital Change Across the Transition to Parenthood: The Role of Violated Expectations." Journal of Marriage and the Family 47:1037–1044. 1985.
Belsky, J., and Kelly, J. The Transition to Parenthood. New York: Delacorte Press. 1994.
Belsky, J.; Lang, M. E.; and Huston, T. L. "Sex Typing and Division of Labor as Determinants of Marital Change Across the Transition to Parenthood." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 50:517–522. 1986.
Belsky, J.; Lang, M. E.; and Rovine, M. (1985). "Stability and Change in Marriage Across the Transition to Parenthood: A Second Study." Journal of Marriage and the Family 47:855–865.
Cowan, C. P.; Cowan, P. A.; Coie, L.; and Coie, J. D. "Becoming a Family: The Impact of a First Child's Birth on the Couple's Relationship." In The First Child and Family Formation, eds. W. B. Miller and L. F. Newman. Chapel Hill: Carolina Population Center, University of North Carolina. 1978.
Cowan, C. P.; Cowan, P. A.; Heming, G.; Garrett, E.; Coysh, W. S.; Curtis-Boles, H.; and Boles A. J., III. "Transitions to Parenthood: His, Hers, and Theirs." Journal of Family Issues 6:451–482. 1985.
Cowan, P. A., and Cowan, C. P.. "Changes in Marriage During the Transition to Parenthood: Must We Blame the Baby?" In The Transition to Parenthood: Current Theory and Research, ed. G. Y. Michaels and W. A. Goldberg. New York: Cambridge University Press. 1988.
Cowan, P.A, and Cowan, C.P. “Intervention to Ease The Transition to Parenthood: Why They Are Needed and What They Can Do,” Family Relations, vol. 44. 1995.
Engel, Beverly. The Parenthood Decisions: Discovering Whether You are Ready and Willing To Become a Parent. New York: Doubleday. 1998.
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