When a married couple wants to talk, sometimes the time factor can interfere. With so much busy-ness - work, grocery shopping, sleeping, taking the kids places - it can be a challenge to find a time that is good for both husband and wife.
Here are a few tips to help you plan the time, and have it be productive;
- Make a date every week to be alone for an hour. One hour a week should be possible for anyone.
- Make the time you set aside priority - don't be willing to cancel it. This is much needed time to spend talking about anything that concerns you - the kids, housework, money, sex, friends, extracurricular activities - all these things have the potential to cause problems if not talked about on a regular basis.
- If you think of something you know should be addressed, write it down so you don't forget it.
- If there is something very serious to discuss, make a special time for just that subject. Don't hesitate to tell your spouse "We need to talk about _________, when can we do it?"
- If you know your spouse needs to talk about something, be willing to make the time for him.
- Be approachable. Let each other know you are available whenever needed or wanted.
- If your spouse is the one who wants to talk, be a good listener. Don't hesitate to ask questions, and make sure you understand what is meant by her.
- Respect the opinions offered by your spouse, and choose your battles wisely. Why fight over something that will make no difference in the long run? If an opinion is the issue, respect the opposing opinion - and let it be.
- When the temptation arises to cancel this time together, whether because of other things coming up, or you are just too tired - resist. This time can make or break your marriage. When it is hard to find time to keep communication going - you are too busy and something needs to give. Don't let it be your marriage.
- If talking is difficult, take a deep breath and keep talking. Sometimes we think a reaction will be bad, but when we actually get to talking about it, we were wrong.
Broaching difficult subjects can be overwhelming if we let our imagination take over. But if we dig in and talk about the hard things it gets easier, and our expectation of a bad reaction may be shown to be wrong.
Making time to talk is necessary when life gets busy. Making time alone a priority in your marriage can make all the difference. Time together just for talking will keep you in touch with each other's needs, wants, dreams, and visions. It will also help you understand and appreciate each other more than ever.
Time is a precious gift - give it to your spouse.
For more on communication in marriage, read Communicating With Your Spouse.
