Address Surprises Within Marital Relationships
How to Keep Common Differences From Becoming Problems in Marriage
Jun 29, 2009
Couples shouldn't be discouraged with bad news messengers about the state of marriages, or the end of a once-happy Hollywood couple. Covers of tabloid magazines scream “divorce!” almost every month but healthy marriages do exist. They don’t just happen, though. Things just don’t work themselves out the minute one says "I do." Couples need to look beyond the wedding before making those vows.
A wedding might take a lot of work to put together, but the real adventure is the marriage which takes a lifetime to make work. A healthy and strong marriage can exist.
Privacy Between Couples
One expects a certain amount of transparency in marriage. But where does the line get drawn on matters of privacy? If one wants to keep something private, is it the same as being dishonest if every little thing is not shared with one's partner?
Within a relationship, a level of trust must exist where a spouse is not intimidated by, say, the keeping of a journal. If a husband absolutely needed to read his wife's journal to feel secure, the issue is greater than just reading her thoughts on paper. He may need to be reassured that feelings for him are rooted in the love a wife and husband have for each other, rather than in day-to-day ramblings.
Having Separate Interests
It’s all good when "two become one" as long as it's remembered that a man and woman are still individuals. A certain amount of common interests brings a couple together and eventually may lead to marriage but rare is the couple that does everything together. Don’t expect a husband to be thrilled when asked to join his wife's quilting club.
It’s okay to have separate interests, even encouraged. Each should take the time to enjoy the company of friends. Maybe he still wants to partake in bowling nights with his buddies, or she loves meeting with her book club. Encouraging each other’s interests helps a couple appreciate their spouse's uniqueness, and the individual's as well.
Don’t Forget to Communicate
Under the intoxicating spell of courting love, couples might have believed to have had a sixth sense about each other. But once comfortably married, one wonders what happened to a husband's acute awareness. While he didn’t change once he went from boyfriend to husband, he is not a mind reader.
It’s been said that men and women are from different planets. Well, at least from different schools of thought. Men and women are as opposite as it gets, therefore communication styles will differ. Men and women’s brains are “wired” differently, yet communicating with each other isn't impossible.
His interpretation of the same thing she is looking at will be filtered through a man’s point of view, and not a woman’s, and vice versa. Don’t get frustrated. Remember: She – Woman; He – Man. And that is a wonderful thing.
Couples need to keep the channels of communication open. Serious talks don’t have to take long, but couples do need to make the time to address each other and know what's going on with each other’s schedules. And as detached as it may seem, couples should use technology to their advantage. If each one spends more time with a computer than with each other, then for goodness sake, email each other as one would keep in touch with a good friend.
The romantic aspirations of newlywed couples need not be completely over once marriage happens. But just like anything that’s worth maintaining, marriage is a partnership that’ll only work when spouses constantly keep in touch with each other. At the same time, they shouldn't forget they are individuals who each need nurturing, alone time – both together and apart.
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