Saving a Marriage is Not Impossible
Relationship Resolutions for Conflicts and Marital Problems
Dec 1, 2008
It is never too late to save a marriage. Addressing specific concerns early, however, can prevent deeper, long term effects that often lead to separation or divorce. Ultimately, both parties must want the marriage to continue and succeed. This begins when both parties openly confront why the marriage took place in the first place and what subsequent events altered those initial feelings and commitments.
Start With Constant Communication
There is nothing worse than the “silent treatment.” Although difficult, either party must be willing to sit down and discuss perceived problems. Communication should permeate every aspect of a marriage. Problems occur when one party comes to feel that the other party is not telling the full truth or has engaged in some activity that has resulted in a feeling of being “left out.”
Communication also needs to be positive and complimentary. Sincere statements of praise and recognition go a long way in preserving a strong relationship. Often, positive communication can be effective without the use of words such as bringing home her favorite flowers or buying him a sweatshirt featuring a favorite sports team.
Discuss Finances Openly
One of the greatest causes of failed marriage concerns family finances. Even if only one party in a marriage assumes the responsibility of paying bills and balancing accounts, both parties must regularly go over all debits and credits, not only for checking accounts but for all credit transactions.
It does not matter who earns the bigger paycheck. What matters is how all funds are spent or saved. If cutbacks become necessary, both parties should discuss openly what the family can do without. If hard times arise, both parties should be willing to share sacrifices equally.
Keep Family at a Distance
Another cause of deteriorating marriages is the interference of family members in the marriage. In-laws and relatives should be distanced from internal problems that can be fixed within the relationship. Loaning money to relatives or otherwise extending help must be a joint decision within a marriage relationship.
The perception that relatives of one party are exerting undue influence over decisions or are privy to private matters is one of the chief causes of discord and animosity. It is highly appropriate to maintain close confidences with key family members or good friends, but not at the expense of a marriage relationship and parties should know the limits of such confidences.
Forgive and Forget
The integrity of a relationship rests on trust as well as love and fidelity. If mistakes are made, and both parties have discussed and resolved those conflicts, they should be buried and never resurrected. Forgiveness implies holding no grudges. Bringing up past differences exacerbates disputes and turns minor conflicts into major ones.
Other Solutions When Conflicts Get Out of Hand
- Engage in a temporary “time out.” Allow tempers to cool and resume discussion at a later time: just don’t put it off too long.
- Ask a neutral party trusted by both members in the relationship to mediate serious problems.
- Seek professional marriage counseling and follow the counselor’s recommendations.
If the elements that led to the marriage have been lost or misplaced, both parties should attempt to find them and restore them in the relationship. Although people change with time and often look for new directions in their lives, this need not be a reason to terminate a relationship if both parties are attuned to the changes and can accept them.
It is possible to save a marriage before conflict leads to the point of no return. This means addressing problems as soon as they occur, engaging in open communication, addressing family finances as equal partners, and placing barriers to direct interference by others.
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