Sustaining Relationships Through Communication
How to Enhance Intimacy With Effective Relational Communication
Sep 18, 2009
It has been said that romantic relationships are like children. They require mindful attention, cultivation, and an encouraging atmosphere in which to prosper. They also need open communication. To survive the inevitable slings and arrows of relational conflicts and related misunderstandings, partners involved in intimate relationships need to incorporate effective methods for strengthening communication and solidifying the romantic bond to stand the test of time.
A good starting point, then, would be to first develop a more precise understanding of relational communication theory before any attempt is made to put these methods into practice within the confines of a romantic, one-on-one relationship.
Relational Communication Defined
Human beings are social creatures. We do not exist in a vacuum of isolation. We live, always, in relation to others. The theory of relational communication is, therefore, centered around evaluating and comprehending the ways in which people interact with others within interpersonal and group communication arenas. All communication is relative in that each person within a communicative relationship brings along with him the baggage of personal history, cultural background, belief systems, and attitudes formed throughout life.
In short, relationships involve the totality of each person’s socio-historical experience and self-understanding of themselves in the world. It’s no wonder, then, that people in romantic relationships are continually and constantly working on finding ways to improve their understanding of each other, sustain the relationship over time, and find ways of communicating effectively.
Enhancing Relational Communication
Woody Allen said it best in the movie, Annie Hall: “A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.” Those who have delved more deeply and seriously into this matter have echoed this sentiment by noting that relationships will deteriorate if they are not sustained, finding that people who are concerned about the quality of a romantic relationship spend most of their time examining, improving and enhancing the relationship.
Intimate relationships, wherein there is much personal and emotional investment, require a lot of work to sustain and develop. Accomplishing this means that enhancement must go on at every stage along the relationship spectrum – not just in the middle when disenchantment and routine has set in – but at the beginning and during the entire course of the relationship’s development.
Since relationships are built upon constant interactions, whether verbal, physical, and directly behavioral, or insinuated, symbolic and indirectly subtle, it is important for the members within a relationship to comprehend the other’s intent so as not to misconstrue the meaning of what is being communicated.
In terms of two-way conversations, one need not possess a scholarly or academically-founded assessment of how men communicate versus the communication processes of women in order to achieve effective and relationship enhancing communication. What is essential, in this context, is a willingness to share feelings, to accept the feelings and perspective of one’s intimate partner, and a desire to work towards establishing a deeper connection.
Easy Steps Towards Improved One-on-One Communication
Couples can use the following guidelines when talking intimately to ensure enhanced communication:
- Begin by setting the ground rules. When engaging in a one-on-one, two-way conversation with a romantic partner, start with a non-threatening opening statement that establishes the purpose of the communication. Try saying something like, “I think we need to talk about this issue. What do you think?”
- Once the topic is agreed upon, decide who will speak first and do not interrupt. It is crucial for each person to have their say and to have their point of view respected and listened to.
- Agree not to shout, and be willing to offer feedback at the end of statements (“Here’s what I heard you say, tell me if I heard you correctly”) to deepen mutual understanding.
- Use intimacy-enhancing, non-verbal communication and actions. These can include conciliatory posturing, using a similar tone of voice, leaning in, touching the other, looking into the other person’s eyes, smiling and nodding in reply to what has been said. Non-verbal cues such as these allow partners to feel mirrored, secure, and understood.
- Make specific references to the relationship itself throughout the talk to emphasize the importance of sustaining good relations. Using words such as “we,” “us,” and “our” helps a great deal in this regard. Referring to the relationship happens to be one of the most effective mechanisms in relational communication work since it demonstrates that the ultimate goal of the conversation is to strengthen and enhance the relationship, not to win the argument or to diminish the other person.
- Finally, realize that the conflict under discussion may not have a quick and simple resolution. Agree to keep the lines of communication open and, maybe, to talk again at another time about the same issue in order to arrive at a mutually acceptable situation with which both partners can live. The value of compromise cannot be overstated when it comes to preserving an intimate relationship.
Personal relationships do not remain stagnant. They ebb and flow, they contort and evolve. Couples need to understand this fact, acknowledge the role that communication plays throughout the lifetime of an intimate relationship, and do all they can to enhance and improve that emotional bond.
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