Talking About Sex Can Improve It
Married Couples Can Use Communication to Improve Their Sex Lives
Sep 28, 2007
Communicating in marriage is important, in every area of life. Sometimes certain subjects can be difficult to bring up, even to the person closest to you. How do you begin a conversation about sex, with the person you share sexual experience with? Here are some tips that might make it easier to bring up the subject, and be honest when talking about your sex life with your spouse.
- Use humor. If you begin by saying something along the lines of "You know that thing we do?", of course the response might be "What thing?". You could respond with "That fun and sexy thing! It might be fun and sexy to talk about it."
- Bring up the subject when you are not having sex. If you begin during the act, it might be harder to be objective, honest and open to hearing suggestions of change.
- Don't be shy about telling what you like, what you don't like (but be gentle here- you want to make things even better, not cause hurt feelings), and what you would like to try.
- Ask questions about what your spouse likes, doesn't like, and what he/she would like to try. Be open to hearing what your spouse has to say, and encouraging by listening well.
- Show interest in new ideas. Be willing to try something, even if you are not sure you will like it. If it turns out you don't like it, say so next time you talk about sex.
- If something is brought up that one of you is uncomfortable with, respect that and move on to the next thing. Never try to force your spouse to try something they are uncomfortable with, or make him/her feel guilty about their feelings and preferences. After all, there may an underlying reason for being uncomfortable with certain situations.
If you make talking about sex a part of your regular communication, things in that department can only get better. Some people find that even if things are wonderful, they still continue to improve when communication between you is honest.
Communication about our personal lives can be handled in a non-threatening, fun way. Keep conversation light, don't be forceful or rude, use common courtesy with each other, and expect that in the process of talking, you will find new ways to connect.
Marriage and Partnership has some very good articles on married sex. Here is a link to one of them that will give some ideas of where to begin talking: "Keep Sex Fun"
For more on communication in marriage, read Communicating With Your Spouse, or Planning Time to Communicate.
